Thursday, May 18, 2017


The most important lesson I've learned thus far in life is to trust your intuition, even if you dont agree with it. Another thing that I have learned is that just because something is more challenging than anything Ive ever experienced doesn't mean that I can turn my back on it and quit.  I will also say this, I hate when my husband is right. LOL

Lesson: Trust your intuition. I had 11 days until my house would be a party of 4 plus a dog. Our notice had been given to have Little Buddy removed from our home at his request, he said he no longer wanted to be in our home, so i started the process. Sr and I were in the car yesterday waiting for LB bus to drop him off and were talking about him leaving our house. It was expressed that we are not going to do him any justice by letting him go and everyone that has come in contact with this child thus far has failed him, hence the reason for his actions. Its only 4 months and we were throwing in the towel, well mainly me i guess. Although I was ready to be a party of 4, my intuition is saying the same thing as Sr,  we need to keep LB here. My reason for wanting to do foster care was to make a difference in our youth, even if it's just 1 I know I've helped. How can I make a difference in person in only 4 months? I expect that everything wrong he knows is supposed to be corrected within that 4 months, when Im 31 and I still struggle with correcting some of my wrongs? Sr intuition told him we were making a mistake and hes right.  This journey has been frustrating in many ways, but through those frustrations, progress is being made. With a little more time, effort and patience more progress can be made and hopefully Little Buddy will have that "ah ha" moment and make better choices.

We shall see.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Its happened again. Another child has been murdered at the hands of the police, this time he was 15 and like most, if not all; he was unarmed. He was in the car as the passenger riding away from a party with his brother, when the police said the car "reversed in an aggressive manor towards him" and shot this poor child in the head with the rifle. 15 years old. 15. My god. Jr will be 7 years old in a matter of days and with this homicide, its a reality check for me. I  hate that one of the things that comes to mind as my son gets older is the odds of him having a negative encounter with those who are paid to protect and serve him. Granted 7 isnt 15, but hell Tamir was 12 when he was murdered. The bottom line is he's still a melanated seed in a world that doesnt love him.

A friend of mine posted to facebook that her grandmother prayed and asked to stay alive until she was 18, long enough to make sure she would be able to be on her own. I totally understand why her grandmother asked that, but anymore 18 isnt enough either. You can do everything right as a parent, give your seed all the knowledge in the world and do your best to show them how to apply it. Hell, they can do everything right, only to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hate to say it, but having a baby girl will change how you look at everything and everyone. Seeing crimes against children and babies always pissed me off, but now that I have my own baby girl, it hurts and angers me more now. I pray that I am here to protect and keep my babies as much as humanly possible. Sigh..

Monday, February 20, 2017

From 1 to 3

Remember how my last post I said I was due any day now, and that I hope I made a difference in little buddys life with that one weekend? Well guess what? The baby has made her entrance and little buddy is now a resident of the house. We went from 1 to 3 in a matter of 2 weeks, talk about change.

This journey that we are on right now, its a bit bumpy, but you know what, it is one with lessons. We are all not only adjusting during this period, but we are also learning, Learning about each other and more importantly ourselves. I knew that when we had Rza life was going to be different, less sleep, more crying, smelly diapers, the works. What I had not planned for was to have a new baby and a new bonus kid at the same time and trying to figure both of them out and how to function with them.

It will be almost 2 months that Rza has blessed us, she is sleeping more, smiling more and even starting to coo at us. Although she tends to be a bit fussy at times, I wouldn't have her any other way. She is the night to Jrs day. Even at 2 months I can tell the difference in them, when he was a baby he was goofy and always smiling. With her, shes very serious and observant. Yes she smiles at you, but you have to work for that smile and even then sometimes its a one sided smile, just enough to show you her one dimple. This is her every day look at you while you sit there and talk baby and make faces at her.

Little buddy has done some good adjustment since being with us as well. He is still getting along with Jr as well as two boys who are the same age can. There is a lot of fussing, name calling and farting that happens in that room but at the end of the day they are "big bro" and "little bro." From what I've observed thus far, I think little buddy feels comfortable and accepted in our house. Hell as much as him and Jr get in trouble, he should know that he belongs here. But I think it's what he needed. He is around a family that looks like him, and treats him like one of their own with no favorites. I am glad that he is with us, he is teaching me about myself and making me have to adjust and adapt. Its a process that's for sure. 

Well here's to another chapter in our book. 

Peace and blessings 

Monday, January 2, 2017

New lessons 2 days in.

Its the 2nd day of the new year and i can say im already learning. This past weekend was the first time our house hosted a foster child, although we have been a foster house for a little under a year now. When the agency initially called me, they were looking to place this young melanated 7 year old boy in a family that resembled him, and was a 2 parent house hold. I was told that he was coming from the sticks of Ky and was getting a lot of racial comments made towards him. Immediately, Sr and I said yes just because of those circumstances alone. A few weeks had gone by and i hadnt heard anything, so i figured the social worker changed their mind. *shrugs shoulders* it is what it is.  A week before christmas, i get a call saying they want to place him with us for the weekend to see how he does, so i set it up to take him  nye weekend not really knowing what to expect.  Now ive been around foster kids before since my mother in law has had them for as long as i can remember, but to actually be the "mom," i had no idea what to expect, especially being pregnant and due any day now. Turns out being a foster mom isn't as scary as i thought it would be especially when you have a good kid who listens.  We got lil buddy home that Friday night and did pizza and movies  to get him comfortable and situated.  It was a relief to see him and jr instantly click and start playing pokemon cards and talk. When it was time to eat, dude ate one piece of pizza when i had made 2 of them expecting for him to be ready to eat. Ok, no big deal, hes still feeling us out not really knowing what to expect, i get it. Next day he said he wanted just 1 egg to eat for breakfast, but quickly realized all was well here and asked for seconds. That was a great moment for me because he was comfortable enough to ask for more to eat. #winning The weekend turned out just fine having dude here, he only had one accident and was proud of himself that it hadnt happened after that first night and even asked for chores. (A child after my heart) lol When it was time to bring him back, my heart hurt. I know youre not supposed to get emotionally attached in situations like this, but how can you not? I like to think that this weekend, dude didn't have to worry about a thing, other than cleaning up toys. I have no clue what his normal day to day life is like, but i hope while he was here he had no worries. This weekend has given me a memory i wont forget. My first experience as a foster mother was conquered, its possible and i feel like we have made a small difference in his life, even if its only a good memory.  I remember talking to someone when we first thought about becoming foster parents and being asked why. My response was that i want to help my people. I cant be out doing activism work, and people are always so quick to either blame the youth or write them off, so with them is where i want to try and make a difference. This weekend, i feel like i did. 💜