Friday, July 21, 2017

social media-less

I decided to do a social media fast for a few days and deactivated my facebook on my phone along with removing the icons off my home screen. I felt like it was time to stop and breathe for a moment. Due to one of these groups Im in, I was being bombarded with a lot of information and it seemed like I didnt have time to digest any of it, so a step back was needed. My goal by doing this was to put the phone down and ground myself more. Turns out all the information I was getting was all saved to my phone, all my books, any thing that needed to be transferred to my book, etc. so I still ended up with my phone in my hand a lot. The good thing about doing this was that it forced me to read some of the material that I have and also talk more with people in my life. Yes the communication was still via text, but I feel like I did more conversing with people in these past 3 days than I have in a minute, I was definitely more engaged in the conversation.That first night of not having any fb, twitter or ig to look at truly had me questioning my life, like what did we do before these smart phones? What do I do with myself now that I have nothing to look at?  Do I really spend that much time on social media like that?  Turns out I do. I noticed my battery life lasted a little longer in the result of my phone being so dry. lol Talk about no action. Its all good though, Ill be jumping back on in the car on the way to this music festival tomorrow, but this is something that I think I will be doing more of on a regular basis.  I definitely recommend everyone taking a couple of days from the social state, enjoy the things in front of you and be in the moment.

Thursday, May 18, 2017


The most important lesson I've learned thus far in life is to trust your intuition, even if you dont agree with it. Another thing that I have learned is that just because something is more challenging than anything Ive ever experienced doesn't mean that I can turn my back on it and quit.  I will also say this, I hate when my husband is right. LOL

Lesson: Trust your intuition. I had 11 days until my house would be a party of 4 plus a dog. Our notice had been given to have Little Buddy removed from our home at his request, he said he no longer wanted to be in our home, so i started the process. Sr and I were in the car yesterday waiting for LB bus to drop him off and were talking about him leaving our house. It was expressed that we are not going to do him any justice by letting him go and everyone that has come in contact with this child thus far has failed him, hence the reason for his actions. Its only 4 months and we were throwing in the towel, well mainly me i guess. Although I was ready to be a party of 4, my intuition is saying the same thing as Sr,  we need to keep LB here. My reason for wanting to do foster care was to make a difference in our youth, even if it's just 1 I know I've helped. How can I make a difference in person in only 4 months? I expect that everything wrong he knows is supposed to be corrected within that 4 months, when Im 31 and I still struggle with correcting some of my wrongs? Sr intuition told him we were making a mistake and hes right.  This journey has been frustrating in many ways, but through those frustrations, progress is being made. With a little more time, effort and patience more progress can be made and hopefully Little Buddy will have that "ah ha" moment and make better choices.

We shall see.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Its happened again. Another child has been murdered at the hands of the police, this time he was 15 and like most, if not all; he was unarmed. He was in the car as the passenger riding away from a party with his brother, when the police said the car "reversed in an aggressive manor towards him" and shot this poor child in the head with the rifle. 15 years old. 15. My god. Jr will be 7 years old in a matter of days and with this homicide, its a reality check for me. I  hate that one of the things that comes to mind as my son gets older is the odds of him having a negative encounter with those who are paid to protect and serve him. Granted 7 isnt 15, but hell Tamir was 12 when he was murdered. The bottom line is he's still a melanated seed in a world that doesnt love him.

A friend of mine posted to facebook that her grandmother prayed and asked to stay alive until she was 18, long enough to make sure she would be able to be on her own. I totally understand why her grandmother asked that, but anymore 18 isnt enough either. You can do everything right as a parent, give your seed all the knowledge in the world and do your best to show them how to apply it. Hell, they can do everything right, only to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hate to say it, but having a baby girl will change how you look at everything and everyone. Seeing crimes against children and babies always pissed me off, but now that I have my own baby girl, it hurts and angers me more now. I pray that I am here to protect and keep my babies as much as humanly possible. Sigh..

Monday, February 20, 2017

From 1 to 3

Remember how my last post I said I was due any day now, and that I hope I made a difference in little buddys life with that one weekend? Well guess what? The baby has made her entrance and little buddy is now a resident of the house. We went from 1 to 3 in a matter of 2 weeks, talk about change.

This journey that we are on right now, its a bit bumpy, but you know what, it is one with lessons. We are all not only adjusting during this period, but we are also learning, Learning about each other and more importantly ourselves. I knew that when we had Rza life was going to be different, less sleep, more crying, smelly diapers, the works. What I had not planned for was to have a new baby and a new bonus kid at the same time and trying to figure both of them out and how to function with them.

It will be almost 2 months that Rza has blessed us, she is sleeping more, smiling more and even starting to coo at us. Although she tends to be a bit fussy at times, I wouldn't have her any other way. She is the night to Jrs day. Even at 2 months I can tell the difference in them, when he was a baby he was goofy and always smiling. With her, shes very serious and observant. Yes she smiles at you, but you have to work for that smile and even then sometimes its a one sided smile, just enough to show you her one dimple. This is her every day look at you while you sit there and talk baby and make faces at her.

Little buddy has done some good adjustment since being with us as well. He is still getting along with Jr as well as two boys who are the same age can. There is a lot of fussing, name calling and farting that happens in that room but at the end of the day they are "big bro" and "little bro." From what I've observed thus far, I think little buddy feels comfortable and accepted in our house. Hell as much as him and Jr get in trouble, he should know that he belongs here. But I think it's what he needed. He is around a family that looks like him, and treats him like one of their own with no favorites. I am glad that he is with us, he is teaching me about myself and making me have to adjust and adapt. Its a process that's for sure. 

Well here's to another chapter in our book. 

Peace and blessings 

Monday, January 2, 2017

New lessons 2 days in.

Its the 2nd day of the new year and i can say im already learning. This past weekend was the first time our house hosted a foster child, although we have been a foster house for a little under a year now. When the agency initially called me, they were looking to place this young melanated 7 year old boy in a family that resembled him, and was a 2 parent house hold. I was told that he was coming from the sticks of Ky and was getting a lot of racial comments made towards him. Immediately, Sr and I said yes just because of those circumstances alone. A few weeks had gone by and i hadnt heard anything, so i figured the social worker changed their mind. *shrugs shoulders* it is what it is.  A week before christmas, i get a call saying they want to place him with us for the weekend to see how he does, so i set it up to take him  nye weekend not really knowing what to expect.  Now ive been around foster kids before since my mother in law has had them for as long as i can remember, but to actually be the "mom," i had no idea what to expect, especially being pregnant and due any day now. Turns out being a foster mom isn't as scary as i thought it would be especially when you have a good kid who listens.  We got lil buddy home that Friday night and did pizza and movies  to get him comfortable and situated.  It was a relief to see him and jr instantly click and start playing pokemon cards and talk. When it was time to eat, dude ate one piece of pizza when i had made 2 of them expecting for him to be ready to eat. Ok, no big deal, hes still feeling us out not really knowing what to expect, i get it. Next day he said he wanted just 1 egg to eat for breakfast, but quickly realized all was well here and asked for seconds. That was a great moment for me because he was comfortable enough to ask for more to eat. #winning The weekend turned out just fine having dude here, he only had one accident and was proud of himself that it hadnt happened after that first night and even asked for chores. (A child after my heart) lol When it was time to bring him back, my heart hurt. I know youre not supposed to get emotionally attached in situations like this, but how can you not? I like to think that this weekend, dude didn't have to worry about a thing, other than cleaning up toys. I have no clue what his normal day to day life is like, but i hope while he was here he had no worries. This weekend has given me a memory i wont forget. My first experience as a foster mother was conquered, its possible and i feel like we have made a small difference in his life, even if its only a good memory.  I remember talking to someone when we first thought about becoming foster parents and being asked why. My response was that i want to help my people. I cant be out doing activism work, and people are always so quick to either blame the youth or write them off, so with them is where i want to try and make a difference. This weekend, i feel like i did. 💜

Monday, July 25, 2016

Good luck with your son and I hope he does not think/learn that pets are something that can be cast aside when life gets tough

The title was something directed at me today after I asked for guidance on how to help a child cope with having to give an animal away.  As if the decision isnt hard enough, these are the type of answers I get from co-workers. I asked how would you help break the news, and explain to a 6 year old about having to surrender the dog in a way that he will best understand and be the least bit traumatizing for him. There were 52 responses on this post, out of all of those ONE person, ONE, gave me options for books to help with losing a pet. ONE. I felt like reading some of the responses was like reading comments about a BLM movement on fox news. It was horrible.

  • "I cant imagine giving my dog away, when we got him we made a commitment to him. He had been failed by humans before and abandoned. . . I wont allow that to happen again on my watch.If by chance we had a baby and didn't feel comfortable with the two around each other, I would have a kennel built for him in our backyard to keep them separate."

I love how the internet thugs will come out and try to make you feel some kind of way not knowing the whole situation. Always quick to judge and not provide any results. It was almost like a glimpse into the family of the child who fell in the gorilla pit at the zoo earlier this year and all the shit they got. the persecution happening for asking how to ease the pain for my child, and not what to do with the dogs. Im pretty sure my coworkers would have stoned me of giventhe opportunity.

  • "I don't mean to be harsh but I could never "give up" on a family member just because of a birth of a child or due to "moving".  You took on the responsibility of pet ownership when you got them and putting down a old dog just because you are having a baby and moving...well maybe I am missing something here, but that just does not make any sense to me....then again, when I signed on to own pets, they are my children and I treat them as such.  So putting one of them down due to a lifestyle change just seems plain crazy.  There are many people out there that will adopt an aging dog.  As far as surrendering your "beloved" Bella B, have you tried the GSP Rescue in your area?  This would be a much better route to go than taking her to the Humane Society.  This is going to be very traumatic for her too!  Going to a foster home is much better and less traumatic for a dog.  Good luck with your son and I hope he does not think/learn that pets are something that can be cast aside when life gets tough."
This post today truly showed me the priority of certain people and how clearly one life matters more than another. The emotional well being of the dog took so much priority in this post, that they even had people volunteering to try and get one of my dogs to WISCONSIN to a family that may want her. WISCONSIN. People would rather volunteer their time and gas money (because im not giving any) to get a dog to wisconsin, then try to help a mother make a smooth transition of loosing parts of the family. I seriously feel like I just had conversations with an "all lives matter" crew. I ended up taking the post down because the original question was being ignored and answered with how Im such an irresponsible pet owner. Shit happens, and if these people dont realize that or know what a sacrifice it is to give my dogs up, well to hell with them. I would have never thought a post seeking help would be so emotionally draining as this one was. But my husband said it right, thats what i get for asking the public.  Oh well, now to build my confidence back up to handle the business I know needs to be done to make a better life for our family. 

Friday, April 22, 2016

April 21, 2016

Yesterday, a scab was ripped open and the wound was deeper than I could have ever expected. I was at work when a news alert came across my phone saying there was a death at the home of Prince in Paisley Park. My first thought was that he had a party and one of those in attendance died. I had no feeling of sorrow or sadness because I just knew Prince was ok. Then the tags on facebook started happening, messages from co-workers started coming through, and then there it was...  Prince dead at 57. I went to multiple sites trying to verify nothing has been confirmed, then it hit me. Prince, the artist formally known as, Mr. Purple Rain himself has moved on to his next life time. Sitting at my desk at work, the tears silently fall to my lap. How can this be? This man, who blessed us with 4 encores last year at the palace is no more. Prince.. gone. After seeing the confirmation on multiple sites, the hurt settled in. He is no longer here with us but he is jammin out with my Aunt Thais. Then it really hit me, my aunt Thais.. she loved him. Even more than my mom, who would play Prince on the weekend while we cleaned. I can hear my aunts laugh as she fusses about us not knowing anything about Prince, and I see her, my mother and my aunt Syl dancing in her kitchen the year we all surprised my grandmother for her 80th birthday. Prince helped me grieve my aunt when she passed. I cant tell you how many times my son and I listened to Free on our 19 hour drive back from her funeral. I listen to that song when I miss grossing her out by telling her that I love her. Now I cant even listen to that song, its too soon. I have cried so much within these past 24 hours of his death its crazy. I cry for him because he is gone, and no longer here to give us his love. I cry because  he is with my aunt. I cry because the one connection i had to her, is no longer here. My heart and soul ache right now. Yeah Prince wasnt my blood family, but he was in my house on a regular basis and even though I can still listen to him, its different now. The wound of my aunts passing was not completely healed, and this just made the cut that much deeper. How am I to mourn her when hes no longer here either. On April 21, 2016 we lost a man that has helped so many in so many ways. I hope the party is jumpin and aunt Thais is having the time of her life with you while the entire world mourns. PRINCE Rodgers Nelson, I love you enjoy your time with my aunt, i know shes pumped to see you. 💜