Thursday, May 18, 2017


The most important lesson I've learned thus far in life is to trust your intuition, even if you dont agree with it. Another thing that I have learned is that just because something is more challenging than anything Ive ever experienced doesn't mean that I can turn my back on it and quit.  I will also say this, I hate when my husband is right. LOL

Lesson: Trust your intuition. I had 11 days until my house would be a party of 4 plus a dog. Our notice had been given to have Little Buddy removed from our home at his request, he said he no longer wanted to be in our home, so i started the process. Sr and I were in the car yesterday waiting for LB bus to drop him off and were talking about him leaving our house. It was expressed that we are not going to do him any justice by letting him go and everyone that has come in contact with this child thus far has failed him, hence the reason for his actions. Its only 4 months and we were throwing in the towel, well mainly me i guess. Although I was ready to be a party of 4, my intuition is saying the same thing as Sr,  we need to keep LB here. My reason for wanting to do foster care was to make a difference in our youth, even if it's just 1 I know I've helped. How can I make a difference in person in only 4 months? I expect that everything wrong he knows is supposed to be corrected within that 4 months, when Im 31 and I still struggle with correcting some of my wrongs? Sr intuition told him we were making a mistake and hes right.  This journey has been frustrating in many ways, but through those frustrations, progress is being made. With a little more time, effort and patience more progress can be made and hopefully Little Buddy will have that "ah ha" moment and make better choices.

We shall see.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Its happened again. Another child has been murdered at the hands of the police, this time he was 15 and like most, if not all; he was unarmed. He was in the car as the passenger riding away from a party with his brother, when the police said the car "reversed in an aggressive manor towards him" and shot this poor child in the head with the rifle. 15 years old. 15. My god. Jr will be 7 years old in a matter of days and with this homicide, its a reality check for me. I  hate that one of the things that comes to mind as my son gets older is the odds of him having a negative encounter with those who are paid to protect and serve him. Granted 7 isnt 15, but hell Tamir was 12 when he was murdered. The bottom line is he's still a melanated seed in a world that doesnt love him.

A friend of mine posted to facebook that her grandmother prayed and asked to stay alive until she was 18, long enough to make sure she would be able to be on her own. I totally understand why her grandmother asked that, but anymore 18 isnt enough either. You can do everything right as a parent, give your seed all the knowledge in the world and do your best to show them how to apply it. Hell, they can do everything right, only to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hate to say it, but having a baby girl will change how you look at everything and everyone. Seeing crimes against children and babies always pissed me off, but now that I have my own baby girl, it hurts and angers me more now. I pray that I am here to protect and keep my babies as much as humanly possible. Sigh..