tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39772509817351402942024-02-19T11:15:29.276-05:00Welcome to my world.Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.comBlogger123125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-89520553609215349852018-07-03T21:14:00.000-04:002018-07-03T21:14:56.060-04:00As a parent, it is our responsibilities to teach our children the things they need to know to survive. To have a transparent moment, i forget that i am their teacher probably more often than i should. I get frustrated that they dont already know what to do or how to do it and so instead of teaching them with an explanation so they know why, i tell them with expectations that they know exactly what to do with or without reason. My kids are 8 and 1 and somehow i have these super high expectations of them. With Jr its a little bit easier because he is older and is able to voice his concern, Rza on the other hand its a whole new path. Yes ive been a parent to a 1 year old before however, being a mother to a girl is completely different than it is to a boy. I didnt feel this kind of pressure in bringing Jr up, his father is here to show him how to be a manchild and brings the masculine energy that he needs. Do i show him how to be a good person, yes, but I dont have to teach him how to handle the pressures of being a black man in ameriKKKa. With Rza on the other hand, I am everything she needs to see, and be in life. I am supposed to show her how to be a strong woman who is still able to be selfless, strong, caring, smart, strong and essentially everything that black women are made of. Ive been so concerned with her and how she acts/reacts to stuff and not having the title of being a spoiled brat, that i forgot that she is only 1. My friend reminded me that she says thank you, is using the big girl potty and asks you if youre "aight." Some times we need those reminders. Then i get moments of gratefulness like tonight. Im currently watching Rza interact with her older baby cousin who was crying, she kept trying to rub his tummy with me asking if hes "aight" and offering her puppy dog to him. To know that shes trying to comfort him and make sure hes ok lets me know im doing something right. I will continue to keep checking myself when it comes to interacting with my kids and teaching them so that they can be the light this world needs. For now, i will just sit here and weep tears of joy as i watch this woman child interact with her cousin and feel all this love between them.Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-54227711318492732412018-02-01T11:20:00.000-05:002018-02-01T11:20:43.755-05:00Day 18<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Do you ever get
excited when you have the opportunities to learn something new? Today is day 18
of my fast, my initial thought was that I was going to be done fasting on
the full moon since I started on the new moon,you know completed the cycle and carry on. But I don't feel like I
have learned everything that was for me during this time, so Ive decided to continue my fast until further notice. One of the things that was part of my initial intention was presented as a lesson to me both yesterday and today and it made me excited because this is why I am on this journey. Being able to </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">be still and listen, or evaluate the moment you are in has provided me with the answers or guidance that I have been seeking. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">I give thanks because my intentions included improving how I communicate with my son, and to be mindful with my daughter since she is still learning to talk, to be a better wife and to help in any way that I
need in other areas of my walk. I have
been fortunate enough to have opportunities to work on my communication skills with my son and actually listened to what he had to say, or ask his opinion on situations or conflicts. In doing so, I can definitely see a change in my approach and I know that I am more aware when in these moments. Now
that I've decided to continue my fast, the opportunities to become a better
wife have manifested as well. Being able to work on my communication, how to express my thoughts, allow what is being
told to me to be received, processed and discussed differently is something I can appreciate. To get reminders from myself during frustrating moments makes grateful because this is the
reason why I'm fasting. I will continue to be better and to have a better understanding of me. Day 18, Im grateful for you. </span>Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-942914837835996052018-01-25T15:36:00.001-05:002018-01-25T18:54:06.320-05:00<br />
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I cant tell you how true this is. I mentioned to yall a while back about the Planner group Im in and Ive been added to another tribe of women. They are well, just as dope. Granted the second group I speak of isnt as intimate as the planner group since everyone is located a little bit of everywhere. But Ill tell you what, there has been some good dialogue that has happened among us, and it has helped the growth process. That second group is actually the reason why I am still fasting, not saying it was a group project, but to say that the amount of guidance and information being shared led me to take this journey. Im truly grateful for the tribes that have embraced me and allowed me to grow. When they say that you should surround yourself with like minded people who will help you grow, its a true statement. Even if yall arent as like minded as you think, being open and receptive to new ideas and suggestions is one of the best things you can do. Salute to my empowered planning pose and also the wonderful women of Resurrecting the divine feminine group. I appreciate and receive all that you have to offer.<br />
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#sisterhoodIsEverything<br />
<br />Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-54676047080856427772018-01-22T15:03:00.001-05:002018-01-22T15:03:27.282-05:00I survived the weekend. <span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">This was my first weekend of my fast and I survived! I asked a couple of sistahs that I know are currently on a fast as well if they continued over the weekend and it came to me. Why wouldnt I continue to fast over the weeeknd? Are the answers and clarity that I seek only for the weekdays? No? Then yes, you must continue to fast during the weekend while you are in your comfort zone and food is there waiting to be ate and prepared. Both days I got up before 8 which was hard since everyone else (especially the baby) were still sleep. But I knew that if I wanted to have something like a normal day, I needed to eat something. Greatness doesnt come with out sacrifice right? So saturday morning I enjoyed some salmon croquettes that my aunt taught me how to fix for myself, coffee and conversations with my husband. I proceeded to clean my fridge which then turned into the kitchen. Odd how the one area I wanted to avoid the most is the place I spent the most time in. But it was well worth it, the fridge sparkled, the counters, walls and floors all got washed so I give thanks for it. I will say that with me being so focused on trying to stay busy and not worry about being hungry, I didnt pray as much as I thought I should. I guess I wasnt supposed to, my main goal was to just make it through the day, which I did. I wont lie though, I did cut my fast short saturday but it was only by 30 minutes. I think it was having to feed the baby and make sure her food wasnt too hot that had me fall off the wagon. Sunday I did better though. I got up and ate and went straight to doing my hair. Once everyone got up and moving, we went grocery shopping -which wasnt as bad as I thought it would be but Ill tell you I wanted all the junk I saw with my little eye. After shopping, I had a fabulous meet up with my planner group to do our vision boards and then it was back to the house to start dinner. I was super proud that even during my cooking, I did not taste a bit of whatever was on my fingers. lol It gives me joy to know that Ive been strong over this weekend and have made it through what I thought was going to be hell. So with that being said, I give thanks for making it through the weekend and more than half way through day 7. What have you given thanks for today?</span>Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-1004211536009349462018-01-19T08:56:00.001-05:002018-01-19T09:21:49.371-05:00ReflectionWhy are you fasting Tae? Well because I feel like there has been a lot of chaos in my life at the beginning of the month and I tend to stress unnecessarily, so Im doing this to gain some clarity, and guidance and just get myself back together. Throughout this process, Ive been asking for guidance in where ever it is needed, to be a better parent to my children and wife and discipline. Today is day 5 and I honestly dont recall any fast being this difficult before. Day 3 seemed to be the most hungry Ive been throughout the day and yesterday was the most trying on my emotional state. I was like I was knocking at depressions door yesterday and I have no idea why. I reached out to a few people in regards to what I was feeling and was told its part of the detox process. I was also told to drink more water and tea, which I didnt do a whole lot of yesterday. So today I have my water on hand, and my tea sitting in front of me. I give thanks for the process and for having people to provide some guidance. Last night when I was in the shower, I asked why I was doing this because I dont feel like Im getting any answers, Im not seeing any signs or hearing my messages. Then it hit me this morning, you asked to be a better parent, has jr not been trying you more? Is that not an opportunity to be a better parent, to make a change in how you address him and the issue? Have you not been fighting with yourself about quitting this fast? But here you are back at it, staying disciplined and acknowledging what youve gone through and addressing how to change it? hmm... just when I thought this was a bust.. Heres to day 5 with plenty of water and tea.Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-24125751467726123672018-01-18T14:58:00.000-05:002018-01-18T14:58:05.444-05:00PEACE strength Discipline<br />
Remain strong the Ancestors will provide improvement<br />
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My spirit continues to grow with every reminder of my stomach growl. Battling myself arguing about giving in. But yet I remain. I will not break despite how much i want to quit. Something wont let me and for that i am grateful My ancestors, the divine spirit and the universe will continue to guide me and instruct me as i need. Allah continue to provide and i will be satisfied.Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-33922169699399512952018-01-18T10:27:00.000-05:002018-01-18T10:27:09.914-05:00GoalsI found a paper that I wrote what I would do in 2016 and when I saw that I didnt even do the first thing on the list I just threw it away. It made me think of what Ive written down for 2018 and how I am determined to not have the same outcome. I wrote my goals down before 2017 closed and have written them multiple times. Matter of fact, I just took one of my many copies from my planner and put it on my new desk for me to see everyday. I am actually able to cross off one of my goals on my list 18 days into the new year, and it feels great! Reading over my goals, I see stuff that requires money to be put away and yet Im still moving in something like a similar pattern that isnt allowing me to save like I need to. Im glad I felt the need to write today, it has allowed me to revisit my plan and re-evaluate where Im at and how to adjust my plan accordingly. Have you set your goals yet? Do you plan on making a vision board? If not, how do you plan to manifest your desires?Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-38171906914529782962018-01-12T21:55:00.002-05:002018-01-12T21:56:08.095-05:00GreatnessYou know, your words are more powerful than most realize and you have the capability to make whatever you want happen or manifest. Leading up to new years, I have been super pumped, speaking positive and super grateful for all that is coming not only to myself but to my household and every individual in it. Grateful. Grateful. Grateful. That was my mantra. I try to be very conscious about the words that I speak, because I dont want to bring ill to myself or anyone else. So along with the gratefulness it would followed by everything that comes my way, both good and bad. And oddly enough, its taken for me to sit here and start writing this for me to remember that I am grateful for all that comes my way both good and bad. The reason why I say that, is because currently I am sitting on a friends couch in front of her space heater using her wifi. Why am I here and not at home? Well because its winter time, and this winter at the very beginning of the year, not only did my heat want to act a fool, a pipe wanted to burst and flood my cellar. Not only is the cellar flooded, but the new furnace that was installed about 3 months ago is trashed and maybe the the water heater. I forgot to be grateful in these past 2 days of events, instead I have worried, stressed and became a bitch towards everyone else. In reality, Ive done all that I needed to do in notifying the appropriate people and letting them do what they need to do, so there was no reason to continue the stress and attitude. I remember one of the first things I said this year was that 2018 was going to be great, well my dear, greatness will not come with out challenges. So again I say, <b>2018</b> <b>will be great </b>and I will be grateful for everything that comes my way- both good and bad.Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-75637681150295343592017-09-20T21:40:00.000-04:002017-09-20T21:52:46.846-04:00Parenting Is.. Parenting is that first grey hair you notice in your mane and actually wondering what took it so long to get here.<br />
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Parenting is getting bit while nursing then crying because you werent ready to stop nursing yet. Rza getting mad because you got mad and trying to decide if nursing is for her anymore. Parenting is also extreme joy when Rza decides that she does want to keep nursing and shes not too grown yet.<br />
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Parenting is asking your 7 year old son about the girl that he likes and not flipping out on him because "omg hes into girls already." Actually having conversations about how to treat the little girl that he likes and how to be respectful.<br />
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Parenting is looking at your children every day and seeing the changes. Growing as tall as you and accomplishing new milestones and shedding a small tear every single time.<br />
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Parenting is my life and i wouldnt change it for the world.<br />
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<br />Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-6635367437106914242017-08-07T14:14:00.001-04:002017-08-07T14:14:13.609-04:00I recently noticed I was in this group on facebook called Empowered Planning and everyone was talking about the planners they've gotten. My first question was, how did I get put into this group? And whats so special about these planners? So I started paying attention to the posts that were made and what everyone was talking about. Getting the planners is to help get organized, get a timeline of what you want to accomplish, set goals, PLAN. I remember telling my friend who is also in this group that I didnt think I needed a planner since I use the calendar on my phone to plan everything. What was the point of getting yet another thing to carry around in my already heavy backpack. Reluctantly I still got one and its is nothing fancy compared to the posts Ive seen with stickers, and different sections, binders, the works. <br />
As time goes along, this group plans an outing to a local coffee shop so we can all make vision boards for what we are "planning" to do with ourselves, our goals, dreams etc. The event was nice, it was a room full of beautiful women who are wanting a change and trying to figure out how to do it.<br />
We have been going through our own minor set back at home, and it seems like this group came right on time for me. I've been talking about not wanting to be in corporate anymore and having an idea of the direction I want to go, but havent done anything to get me in motion, as if the opportunity is going to just pay for itself and fall in my lap. So as we are planning our come up as a home, we have also been planning our own come ups as individuals. Of course Sr is working on his music and the different avenues that he is going to take, while Ive decided that I want to be a health coach. Yes health coach, mental health, physical health, spiritual health, nutritional, etc. I want to be able to help people, which I guess is the reason why I always get drawn back to customer service.<br />
Being in this group doing our vision boards, and knowing the strength that I have to manifest has really got me working to make this happen. At our meetup, one of the admins asked what we wanted from this sisterhood and I said "accountability." I wanted to be held accountable for doing what I said I want to do, for making sure Im working on ME. Yes I get support at home, but I also know that we allow each other to slack off as well, and Ive slacked long enough. I want a change so Im going to have to make it happen. Im glad I did get this planner, I literally just wrote to myself for the remaining months about class, and if I have started them yet as I was typing this.<br />
I know that I always tell folks to write down the things that they want because that helps to make them manifest, but somehow I never seem to follow my own guidance. Well, thanks to these wonderful ladies in Empowered Planning, Im writing! I will be a health coach, and I will start my classes by December 2017. If your'e reading this, check in on me, see how its going, make me accountable for the words I put out into the universe.Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-17343421960254928132017-08-04T13:59:00.000-04:002017-08-04T13:59:02.326-04:007 months and counting.Well almost 7 months, that my sweet baby Rza has been gracing us with her presence. Almost 7 months that I have been breastfeeding her as well. Im super proud of myself with this because I didnt last more than 3 months with her older brother. When I decided to go down this path, I made my goal a year even though I had no idea what I was going to do when it came to feeding/pumping at work or where to start. I also had no idea that I would go through a period of trying to maintain my supply as well. I reached out to various groups on Facebook to see what others have done to help maintain their supply and had been told things like fenugreek, Gatorade, oatmeal, beer, you name it. I decided that I was going to go the fenugreek route even though I was running the risk of smelling like maple syrup on a regular basis. I will admit, during the week, I did great taking my pills around the same time each day, but on the weekends, you were lucky if I even opened up the medicine cabinet at all. I did notice that I was able to maintain an average of 11oz Monday through Friday since I nursed on demand on the weekends, but I cant help but to wonder if I took the pills on the weekend as well if the results would have been better. It wasn't until we came back from a music festival in Ohio that I noticed a big drop in production, Im talking a total of 5oz pumped one day and 7oz the next. At that rate, Ill never be able to keep up with sweet baby and her needs since shes eating about 14 oz a day. Oy Vey! Since I am out of the fenugreek and Ive done a little bit more research, Ive decided to start taking Milk Thistle this time around and go hard on the mothers milk tea as well. I will be more diligent on taking my pills on the weekend, although the tea may suffer if we are in motion and its hot outside. I was also fortunate enough to order a batch of emergency lactation brownies from <a href="http://milky-mama.com/">milky-mama.com </a>and am anxiously awaiting those to come. Stress is a factor that can help deplete milk, and I thought I was doing a good job managing it, so Im not really sure as to why Im seeing such a decrease, but here I am. Its all good though, I set a goal for a year and as of tomorrow (the 5th) I will have successfully breastfed for 7 months, I only have 5 more to go, and as quick as August rolled up on us, Im sure January will do the same. Ill update this post with results of the milk thistle and the emergency brownies, until then...<br />
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PeaceTaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-31704085188279049272017-08-01T15:05:00.003-04:002017-08-01T15:05:57.186-04:00Bop the Barbarian<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">You may or may not know that Sr calls me Bop and you may or may not know that "the Barbarian" has been added to that name. Heres the reason why: In our old house, we had a mouse. Pachino (our bluepitt) saw it in the kitchen and went in for the attack with me following behind with the broom. Long story short, I ended up bopping the mouse over the head to kill it and get rid of it. I actually added a few notches to the handle of me vs the mouse in that house. Since Sr doesnt do mice, I was the dubbed killer of all things grey that like cheese. So fast forward to this past week or so and the new adventures of Bop the Barbarian.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: "Century Gothic","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Bella (our german shepherd) was barking at
230am, and it wasnt that obnoxious bark she normally does, so i went to go see whats going on. I walk to the window
and behold a possum sitting on the fence looking at Bella as shes sitting there barking. I</span><span style="color: purple; font-family: "Century Gothic", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> pull Bella inside since we've recently conquered a rat together (picture the killer whale flinging the
sea lion around before eating it) and you have Bella catching the rat the other
day. Any who so I bring her inside and she gets to making noise so I'm trying to
kick her out again so I can get a couple more minutes of sleep before that 430am alarm. I</span><span style="color: purple; font-family: "Century Gothic", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> grab the outside
broom thinking the possum is playing dead I can just push him off the fence into the
neighbors yard. I</span><span style="color: purple; font-family: "Century Gothic", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">ts 230, Im half sleep, barefoot and armed with
a broom trying to take on a possum. smh So I</span><span style="color: purple; font-family: "Century Gothic", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> walk over there and
jab the broom at it a few times, it MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH ME and it gave me that look like "Do it again and see what happens." A</span><span style="color: purple; font-family: Century Gothic, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">fter we had a 3 second
stare down, I gave up, apologized and kept Bella in the house because all I could
picture was this possum coming at me like a </span><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">rabid</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> flying squirrel. Its 230 in the am, Sr is sleep in the front of the house and no one would have heard me scream if this thing decided to get froggy and jump, so I</span></span><span style="color: purple; font-family: "Century Gothic", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> politely put the broom back and took my tail and Bellas tail to
bed asking for forgiveness. Needless to say, there is still a possum running around our neighborhood, who has officially punked Bop the Barbarian. lol </span></span></div>
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Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-55180753159318304722017-07-21T07:57:00.001-04:002017-07-21T07:57:29.781-04:00social media-lessI decided to do a social media fast for a few days and deactivated my facebook on my phone along with removing the icons off my home screen. I felt like it was time to stop and breathe for a moment. Due to one of these groups Im in, I was being bombarded with a lot of information and it seemed like I didnt have time to digest any of it, so a step back was needed. My goal by doing this was to put the phone down and ground myself more. Turns out all the information I was getting was all saved to my phone, all my books, any thing that needed to be transferred to my book, etc. so I still ended up with my phone in my hand a lot. The good thing about doing this was that it forced me to read some of the material that I have and also talk more with people in my life. Yes the communication was still via text, but I feel like I did more conversing with people in these past 3 days than I have in a minute, I was definitely more engaged in the conversation.That first night of not having any fb, twitter or ig to look at truly had me questioning my life, like what did we do before these smart phones? What do I do with myself now that I have nothing to look at? Do I really spend <b>that</b> much time on social media like that? Turns out I do. I noticed my battery life lasted a little longer in the result of my phone being so dry. lol Talk about no action. Its all good though, Ill be jumping back on in the car on the way to this music festival tomorrow, but this is something that I think I will be doing more of on a regular basis. I definitely recommend everyone taking a couple of days from the social state, enjoy the things in front of you and be in the moment.Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-60150346046701506562017-05-18T08:22:00.001-04:002017-05-18T08:22:15.612-04:00LessonsThe most important lesson I've learned thus far in life is to trust your intuition, even if you dont agree with it. Another thing that I have learned is that just because something is more challenging than anything Ive ever experienced doesn't mean that I can turn my back on it and quit. I will also say this, I hate when my husband is right. LOL<br />
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Lesson: Trust your intuition. I had 11 days until my house would be a party of 4 plus a dog. Our notice had been given to have Little Buddy removed from our home at his request, he said he no longer wanted to be in our home, so i started the process. Sr and I were in the car yesterday waiting for LB bus to drop him off and were talking about him leaving our house. It was expressed that we are not going to do him any justice by letting him go and everyone that has come in contact with this child thus far has failed him, hence the reason for his actions. Its only 4 months and we were throwing in the towel, well mainly me i guess. Although I was ready to be a party of 4, my intuition is saying the same thing as Sr, we need to keep LB here. My reason for wanting to do foster care was to make a difference in our youth, even if it's just 1 I know I've helped. How can I make a difference in person in only 4 months? I expect that everything wrong he knows is supposed to be corrected within that 4 months, when Im 31 and I still struggle with correcting some of my wrongs? Sr intuition told him we were making a mistake and hes right. This journey has been frustrating in many ways, but through those frustrations, progress is being made. With a little more time, effort and patience more progress can be made and hopefully Little Buddy will have that "ah ha" moment and make better choices.<br />
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We shall see.Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-33319745542217965782017-05-02T17:56:00.000-04:002017-05-02T17:56:46.425-04:00Its happened again. Another child has been murdered at the hands of the police, this time he was 15 and like most, if not all; he was unarmed. He was in the car as the passenger riding away from a party with his brother, when the police said the car "reversed in an aggressive manor towards him" and shot this poor child in the head with the rifle. 15 years old. 15. My god. Jr will be 7 years old in a matter of days and with this homicide, its a reality check for me. I hate that one of the things that comes to mind as my son gets older is the odds of him having a negative encounter with those who are paid to protect and serve him. Granted 7 isnt 15, but hell Tamir was 12 when he was murdered. The bottom line is he's still a melanated seed in a world that doesnt love him.<br />
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A friend of mine posted to facebook that her grandmother prayed and asked to stay alive until she was 18, long enough to make sure she would be able to be on her own. I totally understand why her grandmother asked that, but anymore 18 isnt enough either. You can do everything right as a parent, give your seed all the knowledge in the world and do your best to show them how to apply it. Hell, they can do everything right, only to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hate to say it, but having a baby girl will change how you look at everything and everyone. Seeing crimes against children and babies always pissed me off, but now that I have my own baby girl, it hurts and angers me more now. I pray that I am here to protect and keep my babies as much as humanly possible. Sigh..Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-64545621501318684002017-02-20T15:50:00.000-05:002017-02-20T15:50:18.856-05:00From 1 to 3Remember how my last post I said I was due any day now, and that I hope I made a difference in little buddys life with that one weekend? Well guess what? The baby has made her entrance and little buddy is now a resident of the house. We went from 1 to 3 in a matter of 2 weeks, talk about change.<br />
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This journey that we are on right now, its a bit bumpy, but you know what, it is one with lessons. We are all not only adjusting during this period, but we are also learning, Learning about each other and more importantly ourselves. I knew that when we had Rza life was going to be different, less sleep, more crying, smelly diapers, the works. What I had not planned for was to have a new baby and a new bonus kid at the same time and trying to figure both of them out and how to function with them.<br />
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It will be almost 2 months that Rza has blessed us, she is sleeping more, smiling more and even starting to coo at us. Although she tends to be a bit fussy at times, I wouldn't have her any other way. She is the night to Jrs day. Even at 2 months I can tell the difference in them, when he was a baby he was goofy and always smiling. With her, shes very serious and observant. Yes she smiles at you, but you have to work for that smile and even then sometimes its a one sided smile, just enough to show you her one dimple. This is her every day look at you while you sit there and talk baby and make faces at her.<br />
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Little buddy has done some good adjustment since being with us as well. He is still getting along with Jr as well as two boys who are the same age can. There is a lot of fussing, name calling and farting that happens in that room but at the end of the day they are "big bro" and "little bro." From what I've observed thus far, I think little buddy feels comfortable and accepted in our house. Hell as much as him and Jr get in trouble, he should know that he belongs here. But I think it's what he needed. He is around a family that looks like him, and treats him like one of their own with no favorites. I am glad that he is with us, he is teaching me about myself and making me have to adjust and adapt. Its a process that's for sure. </div>
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Well here's to another chapter in our book. </div>
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Peace and blessings </div>
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Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-69975245228484508152017-01-02T19:18:00.000-05:002017-01-02T19:18:45.371-05:00New lessons 2 days in. Its the 2nd day of the new year and i can say im already learning. This past weekend was the first time our house hosted a foster child, although we have been a foster house for a little under a year now. When the agency initially called me, they were looking to place this young melanated 7 year old boy in a family that resembled him, and was a 2 parent house hold. I was told that he was coming from the sticks of Ky and was getting a lot of racial comments made towards him. Immediately, Sr and I said yes just because of those circumstances alone. A few weeks had gone by and i hadnt heard anything, so i figured the social worker changed their mind. *shrugs shoulders* it is what it is. A week before christmas, i get a call saying they want to place him with us for the weekend to see how he does, so i set it up to take him nye weekend not really knowing what to expect. Now ive been around foster kids before since my mother in law has had them for as long as i can remember, but to actually be the "mom," i had no idea what to expect, especially being pregnant and due any day now. Turns out being a foster mom isn't as scary as i thought it would be especially when you have a good kid who listens. We got lil buddy home that Friday night and did pizza and movies to get him comfortable and situated. It was a relief to see him and jr instantly click and start playing pokemon cards and talk. When it was time to eat, dude ate one piece of pizza when i had made 2 of them expecting for him to be ready to eat. Ok, no big deal, hes still feeling us out not really knowing what to expect, i get it. Next day he said he wanted just 1 egg to eat for breakfast, but quickly realized all was well here and asked for seconds. That was a great moment for me because he was comfortable enough to ask for more to eat. #winning The weekend turned out just fine having dude here, he only had one accident and was proud of himself that it hadnt happened after that first night and even asked for chores. (A child after my heart) lol When it was time to bring him back, my heart hurt. I know youre not supposed to get emotionally attached in situations like this, but how can you not? I like to think that this weekend, dude didn't have to worry about a thing, other than cleaning up toys. I have no clue what his normal day to day life is like, but i hope while he was here he had no worries. This weekend has given me a memory i wont forget. My first experience as a foster mother was conquered, its possible and i feel like we have made a small difference in his life, even if its only a good memory. I remember talking to someone when we first thought about becoming foster parents and being asked why. My response was that i want to help my people. I cant be out doing activism work, and people are always so quick to either blame the youth or write them off, so with them is where i want to try and make a difference. This weekend, i feel like i did. 💜Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-34471705124809976932016-07-25T16:05:00.000-04:002016-07-25T16:05:01.698-04:00Good luck with your son and I hope he does not think/learn that pets are something that can be cast aside when life gets toughThe title was something directed at me today after I asked for guidance on how to help a child cope with having to give an animal away. As if the decision isnt hard enough, these are the type of answers I get from co-workers. I asked how would you help break the news, and explain to a 6 year old about having to surrender the dog in a way that he will best understand and be the least bit traumatizing for him. There were 52 responses on this post, out of all of those ONE person, ONE, gave me options for books to help with losing a pet. ONE. I felt like reading some of the responses was like reading comments about a BLM movement on fox news. It was horrible.<br />
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<li><i><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">"I cant imagine giving my dog away, when we
got him we made a commitment to him. He had been failed by humans before and
abandoned. . . I wont allow that to happen again on my watch.</span>If by chance we had a baby and didn't feel comfortable with the two around
each other, I would have a kennel built for him in our backyard to keep them
separate."</i></li>
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I love how the internet thugs will come out and try to make you feel some kind of way not knowing the whole situation. Always quick to judge and not provide any results. It was almost like a glimpse into the family of the child who fell in the gorilla pit at the zoo earlier this year and all the shit they got. the persecution happening for asking how to ease the pain for my child, and not what to do with the dogs. Im pretty sure my coworkers would have stoned me of giventhe opportunity.<br />
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<li><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><i>"I don't mean to be harsh but
I could never "give up" on a family member just because of a birth of
a child or due to "moving". You took on the responsibility of
pet ownership when you got them and putting down a old dog just because you are
having a baby and moving...well maybe I am missing something here, but that
just does not make any sense to me....then again, when I signed on to own pets,
they are my children and I treat them as such. So putting one of them
down due to a lifestyle change just seems plain crazy. There are many
people out there that will adopt an aging dog. As far as surrendering
your "beloved" Bella B, have you tried the GSP Rescue in your area?
This would be a much better route to go than taking her to the Humane
Society. This is going to be very traumatic for her too! Going to a
foster home is much better and less traumatic for a dog. Good luck with
your son and I hope he does not think/learn that pets are something that can be
cast aside when life gets tough."</i></span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px;">This post today truly showed me the priority of certain people and how clearly one life matters more than another. The emotional well being of the dog took so much priority in this post, that they even had people volunteering to try and get one of my dogs to WISCONSIN to a family that may want her. WISCONSIN. People would rather volunteer their time and gas money (because im not giving any) to get a dog to wisconsin, then try to help a mother make a smooth transition of loosing parts of the family. I seriously feel like I just had conversations with an "all lives matter" crew. I ended up taking the post down because the original question was being ignored and answered with how Im such an irresponsible pet owner. Shit happens, and if these people dont realize that or know what a sacrifice it is to give my dogs up, well to hell with them. I would have never thought a post seeking help would be so emotionally draining as this one was. But my husband said it right, thats what i get for asking the public. Oh well, now to build my confidence back up to handle the business I know needs to be done to make a better life for our family. </span></span></div>
Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-67025279967922361422016-04-22T12:19:00.000-04:002016-04-22T12:19:44.147-04:00April 21, 2016<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Yesterday, a scab was ripped open and the wound was deeper than I could have ever expected. I was at work when a news alert came across my phone saying there was a death at the home of Prince in <span style="background-color: #fafafa; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">Paisley Park. My first thought was that he had a party and one of those in attendance died. I had no feeling of sorrow or sadness because I just knew Prince was ok. Then the tags on facebook started happening, messages from co-workers started coming through, and then there it was... Prince dead at 57. I went to multiple sites trying to verify nothing has been confirmed, then it hit me. Prince, the artist formally known as, Mr. Purple Rain himself has moved on to his next life time. Sitting at my desk at work, the tears silently fall to my lap. How can this be? This man, who blessed us with 4 encores last year at the palace is no more. Prince.. gone. After seeing the confirmation on multiple sites, the hurt settled in. He is no longer here with us but he is jammin out with my Aunt Thais. Then it really hit me, my aunt Thais.. she loved him. Even more than my mom, who would play Prince on the weekend while we cleaned. I can hear my aunts laugh as she fusses about us not knowing anything about Prince, and I see her, my mother and my aunt Syl dancing in her kitchen the year we all surprised my grandmother for her 80th birthday. Prince helped me grieve my aunt when she passed. I cant tell you how many times my son and I listened to Free on our 19 hour drive back from her funeral. I listen to that song when I miss grossing her out by telling her that I love her. Now I cant even listen to that song, its too soon. I have cried so much within these past 24 hours of his death its crazy. I cry for him because he is gone, and no longer here to give us his love. I cry because he is with my aunt. I cry because the one connection i had to her, is no longer here. My heart and soul ache right now. Yeah Prince wasnt my blood family, but he was in my house on a regular basis and even though I can still listen to him, its different now. The wound of my aunts passing was not completely healed, and this just made the cut that much deeper. How am I to mourn her when hes no longer here either. On April 21, 2016 we lost a man that has helped so many in so many ways. I hope the party is jumpin and aunt Thais is having the time of her life with you while the entire world mourns. PRINCE Rodgers Nelson, I love you enjoy your time with my aunt, i know shes pumped to see you. 💜</span></span>Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-53599196897781270802016-03-12T15:34:00.003-05:002016-03-12T15:34:59.214-05:00Make AmeriKKKa Great AgainRight before my eyes, I am watching this country A.) Go to hell in a flaming hand basket B.) Divide to be conquered and C.) Show its true colors. <div>
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trumps slogan is to make ameriKKKa great again.. Im my 30 years, the history Ive been taught has never really indicated that ameriKKKa was great to begin with. Hell Columbus "discovered" ameriKKKa even though there were already people here and he was such a great person, he gave the natives small pox infected blankets. That has to be the greatness this fool trump keeps referring to right? Or maybe it was all the great actions that our black leaders suffered from and fought against in the 60's and 70's trying to prove themselves equals to the whites who had power right? Yes, that must be the great times trump is referring to. Getting beaten,hung, having the police beat your ass because your black. Ah yes, great times. The seriously scary part is we are reliving this shit now. And it is okay with a lot of people. Rallies where presidential candidates are supposed to speak and show the people why they are going to be a good president for this great country are turning violent and its always the same story. Supporters of trump -who appreciates the violence at his rallies- are putting their hands on anyone who is not like them. This fools son is saying the country is divided now because people are protesting this racist bastard trump, when in fact trump is anti-muslim, anti-black, anti-mexican. Does this not mean that you are dividing those who you do not think like or support trump like the white sheep? When this man speaks, he says nothing, yet the crowd goes wild EVERY FREAKING TIME. Ive watched footage of a friend when she was down there at the rally when trump was in town, it wasnt half as bad as the footage from Chicago. But still people were putting their hands on folks as if it were ok. This is why i did not go to this rally, because i will not allow someone to put their hands on me because i dont agree with this bastard. I want to say this is scary to watch all of this unfold, but as the same time, its not really surprising to me. Let me say its an eye opening event. </div>
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As my eyes become open to this madness and I shake my head, my next question is how do i explain this to my son? Raising a melanated child a world that seems to be taking steps back is a daily worry for me. Racism is a taught behavior as is hate, however how do you explain things to your 6 year old in a way that they understand that not everyone different from them is a bad person, yet it seems like there are more and more out there? They have white kids at schools telling melanated children that they will be deported once trump gets into office. These are children. CHILDREN. How do you explain hatred to your child without tainting them? Without taking their innocence? Explain to a 6 year old that because you have brown skin and you are a male, people already feel some kind of way about you, even though you are cute and a great person, they still have prejudged you and expect nothing but the worse. That because you are brown and a male, you have to work harder, and always be aware of your surrounding. I dont want to have these conversations with my son already, but it seems like it is becoming more and more of a requirement that i do and the earlier i do it the better. If we are to make ameriKKKa great "again" then we need soldiers and strong souls. </div>
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Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-84460835932483851172016-02-18T21:15:00.000-05:002016-02-18T21:15:09.124-05:00Today is the day.<br />
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Today i feel each and every one of the 700 miles that separates me from my parents. Today is the day that i knew was coming, yet i cant help but to cry. Today is the day i sit in my corner at work and try to cry as silently as i can. Today is the day that i lean on those in my circle more than i have ever done before. Today is the day that i will more than likely do nothing productive because i cant keep my mind from trying to visualize what is going on. Today is the day that my eye will not stop twitching. Today is the day that i will try to hide my red watery eyes and red nose from my son.<br />
Although i knew that my father was having surgery today, it still worries me and makes me nervous, especially since im not there to help in anyway. -- This was written January 4, 2016. This day was the beginning of one of the most stressful times in my life. My father had been diagnosed with cancer, and that day was the day that he would have an 8+ hour surgery to remove it, and I was no where to be found.<br />
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Ive seen other people deal with cancer, seen the stress on their face and heard the stories, but no matter how much of that you have seen from the outside looking in, it will never prepare you for that journey. I wasnt able to make it back home to help neither my dad nor mom during this difficult time, but I made sure that I saw them and talked to them multiple times during the day. Although I was not physically able to help relieve my mother from long nights in the hospital or helping take care of her house, talking to throughout the day helped us both. I dont wish any ill upon my enemies to begin with, but I swear I wouldnt wish watching your parent go through something so stressful up them either.<br />
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I will say this, something serious like cancer will show you how strong people are. For instance, my mom has always been everyones nurse - Nurse Rachette according to her. But for as long as I can remember, she has always taken care of people when they needed it, changing bandages, giving shots, etc. So I know she had an idea of how she would be needed in this situation, but I think she underestimated how much of a toll it would take on her. Nonetheless, ma was there right by daddys side taking care of him and fussing at him like normal all while running around on next to nothing fume wise. The strength of my mother during this situation was nothing short of amazing, and as crazy as Sr talks about the both of us, I hope i can be just as strong as her if the need ever arises. I dont think I ever really told her thank you or not, but ma, when you do read this, just know that the gratitude and thankfulness of having you as a mother to show me what true strength is, and how to be a phenomenal wife is the best thing you could have even shown me. Thank you. Thank you for taking care of my daddy and help bringing him back to his old self again. I love you<br />
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In regards to my father, well lets just say Im sure I got on his nerves. lol I face timed with him daily, multiple times, got to see him when no one else by my mother could and I think i was occasionally ignored. But you know what, it was worth it. After surgeries, multiple ER visits, weight loss, dehydration and stuborness, I can happily say that my daddy is cancer free and smiling, yet another reason why he is still the strongest man I know. I wont go into detail about our journey, but I will say, Im loving where we are at and I am so proud of my dad. Its been a little over 2 months and he is back to the gym working out and doing everything else he was doing before this detour. Daddy, I am so proud of you. You bounced back from something that some people can never do. We had some low points but you never gave up. Youve always been the strongest person I know, but now you just set a new standard. lol Im so proud of you and love you with everything inside of me.<br />
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<br />Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-5106811801272257252015-12-14T21:21:00.001-05:002015-12-14T21:21:53.393-05:00you never imagine the shoe to fit on your foot, or for something to happen to you. But when it does happen to you, its a complete world changer. I got some news that was rather intense while i was doing a clients hair this past weekend. This type of news I would imagine the big dramatic phone falling to the floor in slow motion with that ugly crying face happening simultaneously. But since I was working at the moment in an intimate setting, that couldn't happen. Instead, I followed up with a question and said "well ok just keep me posted" and hung up. Small talk was made throughout the night in efforts to hide any awkward moments there may be if my client heard any of the convo and also just to keep my mind from wandering, but small talk only lasts for so long. I kept my composer very well throughout the appointment and kept it cool, but when my behind finally laid down for the night, the flood gates opened. Now, almost 3 days later, i find myself having these random moments filled with silent tears, and as of late, trying to figure out exactly how or what i should be filling. Everyone keeps telling me to be strong and keep praying, but what happens when fear overtakes that strength i thought was there? Suddenly i feel like the character in "we are in a book" yelling i have more to give, I need more time, I have so much more to say. Yet when I go to speak, i cant find any words to say and i tap dance on egg shells avoiding the subject because i dont want to make anyone feel bad or bring the moment down. Any time i have a serious situation i have my go to person, but what if my go to is hurting and dealing with this only on a first hand local basis. Then what? I dont want to remind them any more than i have to, because i know if my random tearful moments are happening, who's to say theirs arent happening 10 times over. I know this situation isnt about me, nor am i trying to make it that way, but right now, 3 days in, i dont know what to do. I have no control and that is an issue for someone who is something like a control freak. My heart hurts, it has been hurting for 3 days now, and what makes it worse is that i dont even know to what extent this hurt will go to. i can hear the changes in their voice, one of pain and one of fear and there is absolutely nothing i can do being miles apart. I need to be there, me, not anyone else, me. But what is the point of me rushing to just sit like a duck waiting. I just want to make this better, make you better, make it all ok. I dont want my heart to hurt anymore, i dont want you to hurt or for the pain to get worse, i just want you to be ok. i cant stop myself from crying, i dont even know to what capacity i should be crying right now, but i know im scared and i cant stop these tears from falling. im not sure how strong ill be through this right now, this waiting is making me weak. i just want the strongest person i know to stay that way and to be ok....Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-90598042548602459122015-09-28T18:28:00.001-04:002015-09-28T18:28:57.330-04:00My child is a reflection of me.My child is a reflection of me.<br />
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This is something that I remind myself of daily, especially when we have these back and forth moments with our attitudes and words. Granted he is 5 but I see so much of me in him its crazy. Hes stubborn, hard headed and a smart ass. Im not as stubborn as I used to be but the latter of the two..oh buddy. I struggle with myself as a parent daily, wondering how to make my melanted son grow into a strong melenated man that can survive any storm that comes his way and be thankful that I am his mother and taught him many lessons. I know that he loves me more than life itself, he shows that immediately after he gets done throwing his fits. But it still worries me that Im not doing everything possible for him to make sure he'll be alright. Sometimes I find myself wondering if Suzie Q's mom and dad have to repeat things fiftyleven times to get their child to listen and do right or is it that glorified picture that has always been given to us about the non melenated peoples of the world. My mind isnt going to pull memories back from kindergarten for me to be like "oh yeah I was just like him growing up." He has told me more than once that I am mean to him, but like really what do you expect when i have to repeat things 5million times over.. I guess i am part of the instant gratification generation in wanting immediate results. I hate when he tells me that im mean because thats not what im striving to be and i dont want him to hate me, but tell me what else am i supposed to do? Talking regular using my "little johnny" voice doesnt work, so then it becomes the issue of raising my voice and damn near becoming irate before anything gets done. My child is a reflection of me, so i know there are things i need to change, especially in my attitude and voice, but its just hard when youre battling that Taurus. I know i have things i need to work on, not only for my son but also for myself and marriage, the question becomes where to start?Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-68544800654745074172015-07-27T21:24:00.000-04:002015-07-27T21:24:21.282-04:00older weightBeing the oldest is a badge that I wear proudly, damn near boastfully. When your'e the oldest, your automatically the favorite and everyone tends to look to you for guidance. As Ive gotten older, Ive noticed the responsibility with this title in the real world bears some weight, at least for me it does. Ive talked with my right hand man before and was talking about how it is our responsibility to keep this tree together since we are the next generation. I try to talk to the youngins about life and things that Ive experienced in hoping that they are listening and will avoid my mistakes. For the most part we are all like minded and do well, but of course we all live our own lives and make our own choices. Unfortunately those choices arent always the best, and some times they come back to haunt us. One of my favorite branches recently had some issues and well the results arent for the best. Times like this, I feel like I should've been there more, should've said more, should've checkup more. But I didnt. I was busy living in on my branch, not worrying about other parts of this tree. Granted I know its not my responsibility, but essentially it is, I am after all the oldest. Im sorry my mad scientist, I shouldve checked up on you more, should've been that positive voice in your ear that you needed. I love you. Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3977250981735140294.post-84528214815245084612015-06-29T21:43:00.001-04:002015-06-29T21:58:51.358-04:00Running Breaks = No BuenoThis past week I was off for the entire week and it was lovely. No work to do, only one head and a little bit of house work, it was great. The only thing bad about that lovely mini vacation was that some how I did not run once. Can you imagine? I had days to myself, morning were a breeze and I did not run once. Sad and pitiful I tell ya, sad and pitiful. Taking that unplanned break was a horrible thing to do. <br />
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I got a little taste of running Saturday when Jr and I participated in the 5K put on by my employer and it was then that I realized I hadn't ran all week and I was missing the feeling it gave me. Jr and I ran probably about 4 good city blocks before he decided that he could do no more. I was jonesing to just go and run that 5K after he and I stopped running. I saw a few people that I know run past me as all those who were there to really run the 5K were passing all of us on the walking side. It was damn near torture. Then it was like I had never been to a 5K before, Jr is in jean shorts, I'm in jean capris and were among anything and everything spandex and legging related. I don't really know why we didn't wear the correct clothing, I guess it was because I wasn't running so the appropriate attire wasn't necessary. Hell I dont know, what I do know is, that type of break will not happen again to cloud my running judgement - Allah willing. </div>
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Sr and I were discussing earlier about how many times it would take to complete a mile when going around the playground across the street from our house, even placed a little wager to see who would be closest. I decided that I would run it while he and Jr played soccer and win this bet (which we never set a prize for.) I was doing great for the first .3 miles, then I caught a cramp in my side. When I started feeling myself slow down due to the cramp, I decided to go ahead and put my running music on. Which by the way, house music to me is the best thing to run to, just saying. Any way so after I got my music going, I picked it up a bit, but let me tell you, running in the evening when its hot is something I am not used to. I like those cool 5am runs, where the bugs are still sleeping, the roosters are saying good morning and its still something like dark out. 7pm runs are not for me, especially when running in a circle. I felt like a damn hamster running in a wheel, nu uh, that running scene is not for me. Like I told Sr, when running in the neighborhood, you know you have to keep going, either you keep moving forward and keep going or you turn around, either way there is no easy exit. So why not keep moving forward and keep pushing yourself? When running on this makeshift track at this playground, its easy to just say forget it and cut through the play yard and walk on home and be done. To easy, not enough to keep me going. So anyway back to this distance wager, after running/ briskly walking the track about 11 times, I went to go see how far I have gone and you will never guess how far I went...... ..... 0.3 miles. I apparently hit the pause button when trying to pull up my music. You talk about a run/walk done in vain. I was so mad and schwetty by that time, I figured it was time to be done for the night. So I guess we shall see how far it is tomorrow when I try it again. Only this time I will be more prepared. My music will be on first, my gps will be on to track it all and most importantly I will run more than I will walk. I will be prepared to run and act like I know what I'm doing this time, I will actually be out in the neighborhood tomorrow at 5:15ish to get my morning meditation on. Tomorrow will be a better day, who knows I may be in for a good treat and run twice tomorrow, if my knees will allow it. </div>
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Do any of you run? What type of environment do you prefer to run in? What is your favorite running shoe?</div>
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Taehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01510777944418489859noreply@blogger.com0