Monday, March 16, 2015

Full Heart - Long Post

Within 24 hours, my heart has been through some things and I just feel like I need to talk about them. I'll try to keep it together, but if I start rambling...well.. enjoy.. its my world right?

It started yesterday, waiting for my friend to arrive to the nail shop so we could have our birthday pedicures. I was on facebook and saw a status that alarmed me. So me being the one that I am, I trolled for a little bit, only to confirm the worst. A family member transitioned into their next life time at the hands of someone else. With the way of the world and how the media is set up, it almost seems as if you become de-sensitized to murder stories you hear or read about...until it hits close to home. This family member is an in-law of mine, my husband grew up with this man, hell Quon is the one that put him on to rapping and doing music. So there is a definite sadness for not only a great person who lost his life here in this plane, but also to see my husband sit in a daze, shake his head and say 'damn man.' I hate it for him and the whole family. Quon was really a great dude and you can see it by the many posts that have been put to his facebook page about how he was a great friend. His legacy is one that his mother should be proud of, her son was a great man. 

So while Im waiting for official word from a family member about Quon, I was able to have a comedic moment with my friend during our pedicure. I learned that I will never sit in the second seat on the left in that particular nail shop again. The pedicure chairs are supposed to massage and soothe you.. HA! The chair I got was like a hospital bed gone wrong. It sat straight up making me sit something like hunched over; for a minute I thought that I was going to be sqooshed like you see when the hospital beds close up on folks. The seat had some type of pressure that was applied to my butt while smooshing my legs together.  It was almost like it was trying to smoosh me into a ball. lol 
I was trying to press buttons and fix it so I could enjoy my massage and sit something like relaxed, apparently while I was struggling with the remote, the lady across the way was cracking the hell up. There is no telling how long she was silently dying inside from my struggle, but Im glad I was able to make her day. Needless to say, my lower back is kind of tender today, so the struggle wasnt really worth it, but the time with my friend was great and well needed. Anndd my toes were fabulous in my peep toes at the concert. 

What concert you say? Oh, I just went to the PRINCE concert last night. Let me first explain that the stress to get these tickets was intense. These tickets went on sale the Monday before the concert at 10 am.. Do you know that I was on the site at 10:07 and they were SOLD OUT?!?!?! I was hurt. So I carried on with my life and continued on trying the best I could. lol I think it was Wednesday, a co-worker of mine sent me a message telling me that they have added a 3rd show and it was Sunday. Do you know any and everything that I was doing at that particular moment STOPPED. It truly was one of those situations of dont talk to me while I'm doing this, because if you do, you will make the internet crash and I will never get these tickets. (Yeah it was that serious) Needless to say, I got my tickets. It was meant for me to be there. See, I was raised as a Prince child. You know how some will say it was either Prince or Michael, well I remember more Prince than I do Michael and will always love that little narrow man in the purple. 
So the day started off busy yesterday, I had some hair to do, got some bad news, was beat up by a massage chair and had to walk two blocks from the car (we wanted a quick escape route and miss traffic.) We got to the palace and right off the bat, they were telling us that pictures were not allowed, no recording devices, nada. I wasn't really sure how they were going to enforce it, but I wasn't surprised since Prince has all of his music on LOCKDOWN. Hence the reason why you cant find much if any on the internet. So we get to our seats and immediately, I take a couple of pics (insert evil grin) they were just of the stage area and my handsome date for the night. When the show starts, they tried to play a few intro pieces to a couple of songs and then whoosh, the curtains come up and there is this man, in a purple fit, with sparkly silver shoes and an afro standing behind the symbol that once represented his name, at that exact moment I had such a wave of emotions come over me. Some may have thought I was crying because Prince just came on the stage, I was really crying because I missed my aunt Thais something terrible and was wishing she could be there to enjoy this moment with me. Even writing this now, just thinking about it makes me cry. I'm not going to lie, I was there in that building for me and for her because I know she would have loved to be there. So I made sure I enjoyed every moment of that concert not only for myself but for her. I dont know if the people behind me saw much, but I know I stood for the majority of that concert.  I wanted her to feel and enjoy this as much as I did. There is only one word that I can think of that can describe that concert: MAGICAL. That man DID HIS THING  on that stage. He made that guitar cry, he played the keyboard, he was on the bass, he was skipping across that stage truly putting on a show. That show will be my #1 for life, it was a dream come true. In having an emotional moment for my aunt during that time, I could tell that there was sadness due to Quons recent passing and it my baby didn't enjoy the concert as much as he could have. 

It was almost like I was using the concert as a method to block the processing of recent passings and now that I've come off of my Prince high, my heart can process the hurt and sorrow. So today during work, while our systems were down and there was plenty of time to do nothing I was able process the sadness that comes with situations like this. It doesn't help that I had something like a small flood gate of emotions watching that man in the purple suit. Hell, I had to come home and watch the slide show of my aunt just so i could see her smile again. I dont think that I handle death as well as others sometimes. And the bad part is, the two deaths that I have/am dealing with as an adult were of people that I did not talk to or interact with on a regular basis.  I feel like I almost have to find something to keep me distracted from all of this, because I can just cry my heart out. And this is for both Quon and my aunt Thais, when really I'm crying because they are not in the physical state anymore, I know they are still here with us, if they weren't I would not have had such an overwhelming experience at the concert last night. 

Now that I've gone from down, up, down, I must come back to a happy place in my emotions and make a happy heart. Some of my readers may or may not know that I am starting a garden this year.  I was able to find some pallets for free and have been working to disassemble them so I can reassemble them to make a raised garden bed. Since I was able to get home earlier than normal today, Sr helped pull pallets apart while I cleaned the back yard. I am happy to say that my raised garden bed will be ready soon. I will write more on that once it is complete, I have been taking pictures as well.  So that is exciting. 

Anyway, thanks for reading whoever you are.  I know its been a while since I've written, but with a heart so full, it was only right. 

Rest Easy Quon. You are loved by many and will be truly missed. Thank you for accepting me in this family and help make the man I love so much, the great person he is. I guess I'll see you next life time. 

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